Is it okay to step into divorce (is it possible to step into divorce...Though) this is okay? ,

That was the 184th day when Ah Ling was with you Dennis Kuo - Ever Eternity.mp3Audio and video: unlock00:0009:00Rewind 15 seconds high-definition fast-forward 15 seconds Some time ago, Lin Qiang spent two replies on Sina.com "Can I step into divorce...Though", is that example a super classic.  I firmly believe that no matter male or female, if you encounter similar problems in First Love, you should first copy the image into the app before you can open https://www.douban.com/group/topic/ 213718401/ Read the whole reply, no one knows how I feel, I have the following 4 points of experience. 1. You must meet my expectations. 2. Why is it better to be together, but will quarrel after returning? 3. Boys are not in their circle 4. Boys’ love cannot attract the love of others. You must meet my market expectations The original text has a lot of descriptive language. For example, I hope he can at least care about my experience, but Can you see that the boy is in a passive position in the relationship between the sexes? She expects others to care about her, and expects to experience the love of others, but when both parties express love, one party lacks the ability to understand. I said I don't want to talk about it, and he agreed, I stalked and disagreed. It's obvious that boys don't really want to talk about divorce. If they want to divorce, they won't stalk. Talking, but the words reveal the expectation that others will come to coax me, and even hope that others will admit their mistakes, this will meet the market's expectations. As a result, I didn't reply to me at dinner time, but I waited until he packed everything, waited until he packed everything, and lay down. Call me after 10:00 p.m. in bed. This reminds me of the fox in "The Little Prince" who said: "You'd better come at the same time every day." Although the situation is different, they always said the two words "Looking forward" I look forward to you chatting with me at dinner time, Instead of coming just before going to bed at 10:00 in the evening, this is not in line with my market expectations. Just imagine, it is often not within market expectations. Can you still communicate well? Will you be a little emotional now and then? . I hope he can stick to me, at least wake up and send me a message, instead of I sent him the night before, and he replied to me in the morning because he watched too many idol dramas and listened too much. The person who replies to the message will lose his independent judgment "I expect him to stick to me". This is not a problem, but it ignores the character of the other person. Maybe the other people are two "reliant and incompetent" who don't like to ask for help. Most of the people who choose them to carry it down will see "rather than I sent it to him the night before." No one knows whether the boy will think why he took the initiative it's all me? why don't you...? Too active and afraid of losing face. A little brain drama has begun. Will the boys feel wronged? When boys feel wronged, it is also the beginning of their slowly wearing away their feelings. Every time a boy comes at 10 o'clock, there must be a complaint at the beginning. Even if he doesn't say it verbally, he agrees in his heart to come out on the 21st, but he dove on me... The final trigger for the divorce ended when he dove on me. It was agreed to meet on the 21st, but the boy did not show up, and no one knew if the boy knew the reason why he could not meet? In case of an unexpected situation at someone else's home, or... If you don't understand, simply assume that the boy doesn't show up because he doesn't want to see me, which is actually not advisable. In a relationship between the sexes, some people are prone to rely on others, so they have higher expectations. This expectation constitutes an ideal partner in their mind. The sharp weapon that tortured them ignored that there was a deviation between the love in reality and the love in ideal. Why is it better to be together, but will quarrel after returning? Does anyone know who has ever had this kind of confusion? Looking at the boy's description, the two of you spend relatively little time meeting each other, and most of them are communicating through the screen. The problem arises here. What information can you really get by communicating through the screen? For example: A man was cheated of 500,000 yuan in online dating, and only after calling the police did he find out that his girlfriend was a man. Have you heard of it? The two of them rely too much on chat tools, and when they are together, apart from kissing and hugging, what is real and effective communication? This leads to two problems: two people know very little about each other, and both feel that they know each other very well, forming a stereotype that others are such. Thanks to the blessing, difficult problems can be covered, but they will be highlighted when communicating across the screen. For example: Scene 1: When two people meet, the boy complains, didn’t you promise me last time? Didn’t you do it? ? The boy said, ok, ok, I accidentally forgot, by the way, act coquettishly, hug me, maybe the boy will not be angry, but notice that the problem has not been solved at this time. Scene 2: The two chatted across the screen, and the boy complained, didn't you promise me last time, didn't you do it? Boy replied: Forgot Boy: Ah, can you forget, balabala, Boy: I didn’t mean it... Without context, body information, just bare words, a big brain drama may start here. In the boy's one-sided description process, it can be seen that in her first love, she didn't know whether to communicate, and no one knew how to solve the problem, such as: the quarrel later turned into I said I didn't want to talk, so tired, mutual Let's delete it, let's get a divorce to test his feelings for me. He said several times that he wrongly took their expectations as an indicator to measure the relationship between two people. , thinking that divorced others can take action. Obviously, the way the two parties solve the problem is in the interaction, a little bit towards the opposite of the boy's expectation. It is even said that the two of them did not find the key point of the problem, and they are not good at communication. Judging that the two are not suitable John Gottman and Nan Silver said in "Game of Love":. Our memory for unresolved events is about 2 times better than for completed and terminated events. When all the problems stop in the "unresolved" state, they will continue to accumulate and continuously affect the relationship between the two. Boys don’t have their circle of friends. In between the lines, I realized that a boy’s first first love has a serious sense of dependence, and he has been around others. For example: During the Chinese New Year, I wrote my papers seriously in the afternoon. I sent him a message and waited for him to reply. It seems that the world at this time There are only two things in it: the paper and his reply, no one knows whether it is a common problem for people in first love. A few days ago, I saw two boys complaining in the circle of friends that her friend had a first love, and the person disappeared. In the morning Send a message, send a message at noon, only reply when you send a message at night, and feel sorry for them. There was a friend who had been chatting well for more than ten days and suddenly disappeared. When asked why he went, others said: the first love is gone because the first love weakens their circle, and their emotions are drawn by others. Many times it is not a It’s easy to use too much force on good things. Others think that you love too much, which creates a psychological burden and lack of experience. No one knows how to resolve it, and it is easy to fall into a deadlock. You should communicate with your friends more appropriately, or develop their hobbies, instead of putting all your energy on the other two. I always firmly believe that loving them is an important prerequisite for being loved. And the premise of loving them is to really understand them. The love of boys cannot attract the love of others. Fromm said in "The Art of Love": Love is a positive force in people, and the first thing of love is to  give  rather than have to give, it is a way to improve their sense of life , At the same time, it is also the process of improving the sense of life of others, and the process of giving is easier to create vitality and the ability to create love. Boys hope to "get" throughout the narrative process, and hope that others will respond. I care too much about whether their contribution and return are proportional, but what is the result? It stands to reason that the two became friends because of the king, so they should often fly together in the canyon, but the reality is that the boy fights alone and pushes the tower. But no one among the boys knows. This reminds me of this sentence: In the follow-up phone conversation, I asked my ex why he didn’t reply to me. He said that I would keep chatting because of the reply, but I actually endured it! The word "unexpectedly" can reflect the emotions in it. It is very graphic. The boy tells the boy his true thoughts. Obviously, the truth is not accepted. Since it is not accepted, why bother to say it? In the face of boys' love, do boys do it? My ex kept saying that I was too clingy to him, we need to love them more, have their things to do , don’t be crazy about first love , saying that I am like him in the last relationship (because he liked his first love very much)/ Video him He never played (he said he was not playing video with his first love) and found that boys would often use the behavior of the previous relationship to continue this relationship, and told the boys that this is my style, maybe the boys have not fully stepped into the relationship. A relationship, even when a boy clings to him, will make him feel like escaping. When the love of a boy cannot attract the love of others, this kind of relationship will be greatly reduced. On the other hand, boys suspect that others don't love them and lose their temper because they don't reply in time. Psychologically, this is a "paranoid distortion", and her love is weak and powerless. This article is an agreement with Lin Qiang, let me talk about my thoughts. I found that many people would post back and ask for help when they were broken in love, but they often saw something similar to:  What are you drawing in the comment area?  Just a scumbag!   The next two are better! In fact, one-sided descriptions are easy to bias towards personal emotions, and the narratives are biased towards helping them. After all, when the harm comes from the outside instead of the inside, we have the legitimacy to deal with it. But when it comes to divorce, both parties must have it. The problem Neurological research in recent years has shown that love is not a continuous emotion, but two moments of "positive resonance". Just because it is composed of two moments, it just shows that it is something that we can intervene and control. Good love should be the result of active cooperation, producing the effect of 1+1>2. If you want to divorce, the feeling of love will decrease: 1 1. Distinguish between "love" and "first love". There are many ways to love in that world. 2. Make a list of problems. , which are unacceptable to you. 3. Isolate and divert attention. Two hobbies are a good choice at this time. 4. Learn to pay attention to other people. For example, those neglected friends can reconnect at this time. If you want to get back together, you need to think carefully: 1. Why am I divorce? Is what you said grounds for divorce? 2. Why do you want to get back together? Do you want to get back together because of emotional dependence, in fact, it is also possible to change two people? Or do you just want to get back together because you are not reconciled to being "divorced"? . 3. Are you willing to devote time and energy to this? If you bring the old bricks from the old relationship to the new relationship, there will be no change. Compounding requires more persistence and hard work than re-establishing a new relationship. 4. Have others reached a consensus with you? It's useless for you and others to think, and others are willing to do it. It's not easy to go both ways. Understanding two people is not an easy task, just like many people think, love, who can't! But do you understand love, and think that the happiness of others is higher than their own happiness, so why do so many people say that marriage is a siege, a chicken feather behind the firewood, rice, oil and salt? Finally, the boy asked, will time heal everything? I have always held the view that time does not heal you, only you can heal them if the matter is resolved, it may be forgotten but if the matter is not properly resolved, it will become part of your future personality as "Inferiority and Transcendence" which wrote:. Children's behavior is not determined by his experience, but the conclusions he has drawn. This goes back to the basic point of view of individual psychology: there is no reason for the development of character, but the child interprets experience as a reason to serve Their goals are actually the same for adults. Those who lacked a sense of security and low self-esteem when they were young...have not been cured by time, and they still have corresponding personalities when they grow up. Those who are truly healed are those who are aware of the problem and have solved it, and they are confident and strong step by step on the road to solving the problem. Such a love has brought you pain, and I hope you can find it while suffering The most suitable method for them is to overcome it. The process of overcoming it will definitely bring you unexpected surprises. May you firmly believe that each of us is worthy of being loved while creating love. Message area    Click here to enter the message area Alas, A Ling, two people who have been exploring their strange ideas have been on the official account for a year, and they have been operating in the Buddhist system, and occasionally bring you some tea and egg benefits Wow, thank you for supporting the key words in the background Reply: Ah Ling lottery draw  Participating in the event, thank you for reading, liking, and watching; click me to participate in the draw, click me to participate in the draw!